Grand rising my loves! Man oh man do I have some tea to spill this morning! As of lately I have been seeing so many of my good friends getting engaged and married.... out of nowhere I found myself wanting love again. It took so much time for me to heal from my last psychotic relationship.... love was the furthest thing from my mind! So like a buffoon I told myself when I see a cute guy I would just shoot my shot and see what happens. So here's what happened
Here's a lil story all about how I embarrassed myself and got my feelings hurt in less than 2 weeks. Yes....you read that correctly. My first attempt at a love fling lasted less then a month. Tragic indeed- anyhoo- here's the tea. So I was grocery shopping at my local ( let's say food 4 less ) and I saw this fine ass security guard. I mean he looked like he had a lot on his mind and the super save a hoe in me thought " I bet I can turn that batman-like smolder into all smiles". So I approached him and asked if he was single. He said yes so I gave him my business card. Fast forward about a week
He hits me up and we start talking! He's very easy going and not thirsty like most dudes so I'm thinking he not really checking for me he probably has hella options. The conversations went from casual check ins to personal conversations about life, trauma, and goals. I felt like he was really opening up to me, you know? He further tells me he doesn't usually vent like this but he gets a good feeling from me. Now my heart is really thumping. I thought it couldn't get any better but then he said he didn't have kids meaning NO BABY MAMA DRAMA? But wait- there's MORE! Soon after we get to talking more and he claimed that all he did was work and go home ...so in my mind I hit the MF jackpot baybee!
And then... like a bird that got struck by lightning and came crashing down. We had agreed to go on a date one particular evening.... I was under the impression he would call me to say he was ready and apparently he thought the same. ( I always thought men were supposed to lead but I digress) Anyhoo I told him I didn't appreciate him wasting my time and figured that was the end. He makes this super seemingly sweet apology and said he would make it up to me. That never happened. Ever. Instead there became a pattern of the man who insisted his life was so boring and unfulfilled disappearing for long periods of time ( almost always at night).
Now you guys I was born on a day...but not yesterday. I told him the same thing and was ready to leave it be. But once more this very sneaky and manipulative little f*cker convinced me it was nothing like that. Now despite all the red flags he merched ( iykyk ) so I figured hey....who'd lie like that ya know? After 2 unsuccessful date attempts I agreed to go hang out with this man at his house. I just really needed to know if the hassle and back and forth was really worth it. I was secretly hoping it would be terrible, bad vibes, and I would conclude that I in fact made the right choice and move on NP. However it was a problem.... a big one
The man was actually AMAZING. Super cute outside of his uniform, funny asl, we had so much more in common then I realized, and I damn near was ready to up the coochie, Through the grace of God however I didn't. I'm not 100% sure but I think I left some of my sanity at his house. For the first time in a long time I was feelings things I thought I'd never feel again.... the way he hugged me, kissed on my face, and we not gone talk about a few other things ( non sexual because I'm not easy like det )! On the ride home I was already imagining our future together! Everything was amazing and I thought this was the beginning of something new. I texted the man I made it home and told him that I wanted our first kiss to be special and that I had a great time just hanging out.
Yep you guessed it. NO RESPONSE. So what behooves me is how upset I was. The man literally has gone MIA at night at least 3 times now... all while swearing it's not like that when it's clearly like that. Unlike the other times where I got upset I just didn't press the issue. Like AT ALL. Originally I wanted to spend the next afternoon with him but since I didn't hear back I made plans with my friends. He sends me a text message around 4. I didn't respond. He sends another at 4:30 saying I'm weird. Mind you a very important detail I left out is despite him going MIA for HOURS at a time...if you didn't respond to his messages within a few minutes he would assume I had an attitude or I was tweaking. He stated if the roles were reversed he would completely understand. So now that the roles were reversed....where was the understanding I kept hearing so much of? I fuckin LOST IT
Now for those of you wondering like Mimi, you're so beautiful, intelligent, accomplished and just AMAZING; why are you letting this dude mindfuck you? Honestly I was asking myself the same thing but it HAPPENED. It happened swiftly and unknowingly. Before I knew it... HE was telling ME that he was done with ME because he doesn;t like the games I play. In a perfect world I would've determined he was in fact a narcissist and of no value to me and moved on. As we all know this isn;t a perfect world nor am I perfect by far. I didn't accept that answer and started BLOWING THIS MAN SHIT DOWN. I called at LEAST 10 times....I even went up to this man's JOB
He looked me DEAD in my face and told me " I'm not with the bullshit, you are mad for no reason, and I'm good on you". Normally it wouldn't even GET THAT far.... but I;ve been single for 2 years, celibate since last year, and for the first time in a long time a guy that I was sexually attracted to had GREAT energy....did I mention our birthday was one day apart? I figured I would put my pride to the side and try once more. Even though he told me to my face he wasn't fwm... I still told him I'll see him after work. He proceeded to tell me he's really not into me and he's not fuckin on me ever. He also said he "barely kissed me'' AKA that shit didn't mean anything
Unbenounced to me I realized I had 2 salty lil tears running down my face. I wasn't sad that I was rejected.... I wasn't sad that he didn;t want me.... I wasn;t even sad that it didn't work out. I was hurt because my GUT told me to leave this dude alone in the beginning and for some odd reason I continued to give him access to me to the point where I was in MY feelings and then HE said he was done with ME. I felt like I not only embarrassed myself but betrayed myself. I realized that I put entirely too much weight and value on a vibe. A person can be an absolute piece of shit and still be funny or fun to be around. This experience helped me realize the importance of following your first mind, and loving yourself enough not to fall victim to manipulation. Were my feelings hurt?Absolutely. Was I embarrassed about my behavior? Absolutely? Will I ever make that mistake again? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The part that truly behooved me is this man said he had enough stress in his life and I wasn't going to add to it.... I found that interesting given I just did the slow slide in the shower LMAO. Lesson learned and NEVER AGAIN.
Welp I hope you guys enjoyed this rather embarrassing ass story of mine and trust me when I say there will be no more to write about after this day! As much as I thought being sinlge sucked? Having mfs play with your emotions and your intelligence sucks MORE. I will just continue to be single until God sends me someone honest and truthful with their intent.... someone who is not going to lie to me or try to manipulate me. Until then? Well hoe is life LMAO jk (kinda) Until next time folks!