Breaking The Chains
For those of you who know me on a personal level... for the past 6 years I have been battling with depression due to becoming a single parent. I lost myself at one point turning to different substances to cope with the pain.... this past year as I have made miraculous changes and taken strides in the right direction... the father of my children resurfaced. I was under the impression it was to be a father but in actuality it was due to increasing pressure of being called a deadbeat by the outside world.
Despite the continuous disrespect and many failed efforts to sabotage me, I still held onto hope that one day the energy used to hurt me would become energy used to be a better father. I was sadly mistaken.
For the sake of me and my twins' mental health I've decided to file a motion for full custody and no visitation rights. The anger...jealously... willingness to allow me to fail even if it results in my children being hungry or homeless... the lies on my name about wanting involvement despite the 100's of text messages that prove otherwise... it all led me here. I have some HUGE opportunities coming my way and I don't need any distractions and more importantly my children need consistency. I am finally ready to close this chapter permanently and just move on with my life. Through everything me and my children have been through after being left out to dry... we are still standing...still happy...still pushing forward.
Today is the day I finally concluded that the hatred for me will always outweigh the love for these children.... it's been 6 years. 6 very long years of me trying to co-parent with someone who is more interested in trying to hurt me then help. When I say that I'm putting all of this bottled up emotion into my music... I'm not exaggerating. For years I've had to carry this weight alone.. I've lost jobs... landed in the er several times... missed out on travel opportunities and so much more.... being unable to accomplish my goals was keeping me in a mental prison. I felt like I shouldn't say anything because it's drama... but when I kept quiet my name was slandered... I always felt robbed because I didn't create these kids alone.... but I am over it. I'm over being broken. I'm over feeling lost and helpless... because I'm not. I don't give myself enough credit for the BOSS bitch that I am....not to mention I have an amazing man that takes better care of my twins then their biological dad eevveeerrrr did. In order to win in life we must accept what we cannot change. I can't make this man love his children I cant make this man worry about their well being. Either you care or don't. Let go and let God. I am a single mom....and for the first time in my life I'm ok with that. Completely and totally.... ok with that. I will still succeed and I will still win because I'm already rich....rich in love ... rich in family... rich in SPIRIT. And my spirit told me that enough is enough... no more begging...pleading...negotiating... I love my kids and together we will find a way!
When you see me on stage full of passion and anger.... just know it's authentic .... and that I have a story to tell!